Anger

The third healing principle, according to Dr. Gabor Maté, is anger. This isn’t the anger that is irrational, explosive and harmful to others. This anger is the emotion that allows us to set healthy boundaries, to say ‘no’ and to heal. When we set boundaries around what we will and won’t do for others, then we don’t feel resentment at having to grudgingly do something we don’t want to do.

Maté has famously said, “If you need to choose between feeling guilty and feeling resentful, then choose feeling guilty.” Resentment makes us sick. Anger at unfair impositions on our time and energy, or unfair intrusions into our lives, is protective. It’s good anger.

It’s common knowledge in the medical profession that people with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) are nice people. They don’t say ‘no’ to others and they put everyone else first. The rise in fibromyalgia in recent years has also been directly linked to people, particularly women, not putting a priority on their own needs and wants.

Our brains are wired for anger, because it is essential for our survival. Stuffing it down and hiding it as a shameful emotion is harmful to our health. It may be more socially acceptable to always be “the nice person,” but as for me, I’d rather be the outspoken, or at least plain-spoken, woman who will help others as long as it doesn’t affect my energy negatively.

Can you make space in your life for healthy anger, i.e. the ability to set boundaries and say “no?” Maybe you do that already? Leave a comment below.